Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
