You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize