so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
