i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
