We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
