We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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