Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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