I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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