Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i think i just lost a toe
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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