Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
