I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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