He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
