Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
