I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
