you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
