why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
