i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
