i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
