No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
