Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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