I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
