I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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