is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
