so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
