I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
