WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
