we made out on top of his cat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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