i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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