you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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