Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
