Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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