and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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