We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
