Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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