My friends, they love my intelligence
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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