Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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