Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
