I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
