Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
