i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize