MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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