Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
