Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
