Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
