Yo dont text me then not text me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
