woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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