You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
