I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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