Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
