I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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