The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
