everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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