it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
