There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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