you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
