i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
