I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
