On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
