I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
