so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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